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27 March 2015 @ 02:20 pm
This isn't going to be a nice post.

I need to vent this and it's not possible to vent it anywhere else - without someone incolved reading it.

I am tired. Constantly. Physically and mentally. I have a medical reason for being tired all the time and meds only help so much. I don't sleep as well or as long as I should. I wonder if this situation hinders my sleeping pattern. (although I know my partner's cats are somewhat to blame for early rises)

but the thing I am most tired of, is always having to make the effort. Why should I have to always text first? Or arrange things? Why should I have to when you don't even have a job and sit around playing video games all day everyday?
I have two jobs, and usually work 12 hours a day. Yet *I* have to make the effort to talk to you.
"I was avoiding my phone"
well it's a shame we're friends on Facebook and skype eh? you couldn't message me or contact me through that?

When we started talking again after 7 months of silence I thought we were going to rebuild what we had after you threw it all away! I didn't think I would have to force us to be friends...

well, I say, no more. If you want us to be friends then you can make the effort for a change. You can be the first to text and if you don't feel like it?... then you've lost a loyal friend. I would have done anything for you - but I resent having to put in 100% of the effort to make it work. I have better things I could be doing than chasing your ass for an answer to "how are you today?"

No more!
Current Mood: tiredtired
15 July 2014 @ 12:51 am

As I speak, my life is seesawing - sometimes out of control, sometimes totally in control and I'd be lying if I said I had an easy time at the moment.

It has been FOREVER since I last posted. so a lot to catch up on.


ok, so I graduated from university with a 2:2 degree in Music Education both primary and secondary. I was placed in Paisley Grammar School for my probation and I LOVED IT. I made some good friends, I got on really well with my boss and I generally enjoyed it :D then after my probation year I wasnt kept on for another year so I was placed on the supply list. I can't really complain. it's decent enough, but it doesn't seem like a job tbh. It feels like i'm waiting for something and I dont like that. I also decided I've lost faith in the school system based on the new examinations that came out this year - National 4 and 5. so, my willingness to work within the school community is dwindling by the day - however, it is ofc a source of income for the time being.
I have fabulous private piano pupils whom I love to bits and they are all doing well. So far, 100% pass rate on all exams. So proud of them all. On top of this I also play the occasional wedding and function. it's AMAZING! I wish I could do it all the time. It's so relaxing and is my favourite thing in the world. After the summer I will be accompanist of a choir in North Ayrshire - so hopefully that'll open a door or two to something else other than teaching.

Love Life

OK, last time I posted I was with Jacky Chan - my best friend in the world. This is however not the case anymore. We lasted for 2 years and 7 months before I broke up with him. I just felt we weren't going anywhere so I saw no point in continuing to be together "just because". so I ended it and I moved out of his apartment and back in with my father. We lived in 3 different apartments together, we went on fabulous holidays to Milan <3 and Tunisia and I really enjoyed my time with him. Unfortunately, It was not the best of break ups (well... I dont suppose there is a good break up?) but he found a message not intended for his eyes, and lets just say he won't be forgiving me for a VERY long time.
However! (There is a however!!) I believe I have found HIM. I believe 100% with my entire being that I have found my one, my one true love - whatever you want to call him. I have found him.
Further explanation required of course!
I met him online, in a silly MMO that I play a lot - Aion. One night he was talking on the serverwide chat and I whispered him for a reason I can't even remember - I think we were mutually bashing someone - and we got talking. I became utterly fascinated by him within moment! literally moments. We ended up talking until 8am on Skype and I think I fell in love with him then and there.
How to describe him? perfect
He's everything I ever wanted and more. He's exceeded every expectation a girl could have and is just wonderful in every way - rose tinted glasses? I hope not.
Details? German, 23, 6 foot tall,  Blue Eyes, Blond Hair, lovely accent. IDEAL.
On the 20th of May this year he asked me to be officially his as every feeling I felt he felt too. Currently in the process of working out details to have him move here to Scotland with me. That'll be amazing. I just couldn't believe I'd found him. After so many years, so many heartbreaks, so many disappointments. He exists! and we are together. :)

I think that's really everything I can divulge at the moment. My brain is fried so I must go to bed.

an update every once in a while is nice, don't you agree? :)

Current Location: Erskine
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Secret soundtrack
18 April 2013 @ 09:33 pm
Snagged this from obsessed_psyco! I got given Age 7

Comment saying you want to play. I give you an age, and you compare the life you were living at that age to the one you have now.

At age 7. . .
- I lived in: the small bedroom of my parents' house
- I drove: my parents up the wall
- I was in a relationship with: My piano.
- I feared: all insects especially spiders.
- I worked at: Being smart in school
-I wanted to be: A vet.

Now . . .
- I live in: my own flat with my boyfriend
- I drive: a black VW polo called Wesker
- I am in a relationship with: My best friend :)
- I fear: Still all insects especially spiders, and vomit
- I work at: Paisley Grammar School as a Music Teacher
- I want to be: A concert pianist
Current Location: My flat :)
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: tv
14 March 2012 @ 04:23 pm
3.141592654 cause  that's all my calculator would show me :P
How many digits of pi have you memorized?
26 January 2012 @ 11:34 pm
Been a long time since i've posted again!!

I am now getting back on my feet... ish :P 

I have a new boyfriend :) he is Chinese and called Jacky Chan... actually ^.^
He is absolutely wonderful and i'm so lucky to have him :) we've been best friends for years and years and one night it just happened :) i'm so glad it did. <3

Only got a couple more months of uni then i get to graduate. I am terrified!!! :P lol! but hopefully it should be good to get out and earn some real money for a bit. 

Still working away in Primark - quitting in July. I'm totally gonna miss it!

still working on my  mission 101 in 1001. i think i'll start it during the summer or just before the summer. maybe easter :P i really need to think about it though :P

that's enough for now. 

Ciao xxxx
Current Mood: tiredtired
11 October 2011 @ 11:05 pm
Mine is my best friend :) couldn't ask for anyone better <3 <3
the song "Love of an Orchestra" by Noah and the Whale will cheer me up everytime cause of the lyrics! music is my life, and I do have the love of an orchestra to support me when I am down so the song reminds me of this :)
What music lifts you up when you’re feeling down?

14 August 2011 @ 12:04 pm
so my previos post was about the mission 101 thing, which I am postponing due to the fact Nik and I have broken up. My mind has been elsewhere and not concentrating on the list hence a lot of them have failed already. I am going to edit my list and post a new one soon.
Current Mood: numbnumb
12 July 2011 @ 01:41 pm

I've finished my list :) yay

already made a start on it.

This means goal is achieved
This means in progress
This means failed

Start Date: 12th July 2011
End Date:  8th April 2014

List is hereCollapse )101 things in 1001 days


1.    Cycle from Prestwick to Troon and back

2.    Drink 2 litres of water a day for a 2 weeks every month (0/14)

3.    Go swimming at least once a month

4.    Keep up situps once a day (0/1001)

5.    Be able to swim 10 lengths nonstop

6.    Brush my teeth twice a day

7.    Lose a stone in weight

8.    Go ice skating at least once every three months

9.    Cycle around Millport

10. Wear a pedometer every day

11. Walk 10,000 steps a day

12. Be asleep for 11pm every night for a week (0/7)




13. Last 31 days without chocolate (0/31)

14. Create a recipe scrapbook

15. Make 10 recipes from scrapbook (0/10)

16. Eat at 10 restaurants I’ve never eaten at before (0/10)

17. Go 31 days without alcohol (0/31)

18. Eat dinner backwards (dessert, main, starter)

19. Eat something different in restaurants I frequent often

20. Pack lunches every day for a month (0/31)

21. Be vegetarian for one day (0/1)

22. Learn how to bake a cake

23. Bake a birthday cake for mum

24. Eat every meal at the dinner table every day for a month (0/31)

25. Drink only water and fruit juice for a month (0/31)

26. Try a new food at least once a month




27. Write down list of every book I own

28. Read every novel I own

29. Put all I own into iTunes

30. Listen to all music on iTunes at least once

31. Fix all album artwork on iTunes

32. Watch every dvd I own

33. Watch every VHS I own

34. Listen to 101 songs I’ve never heard before (0/101)

35. See Wicked in London

36. Watch 50 movies I’ve never seen before (0/50)

37. Complete the Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time

38. Watch the entire Futurama series

39. Read the chronicles of Narnia in order (0/7)

40. Watch all the Disney films I have in the order they were made

41. Watch every James Bond movie

42. Read 3 classic novels

43. Go to an old firm match




44. Take a photo every day for a year (0/365)

45. Put a piece of art on Deviantart

46. Make a scrapbook of photos of my friends

47. Fill photo frames with pictures of friends

48. Learn to play variation 18 of “Rhapsody on an Theme of Paganini”

49. Pass my DipRSAMD exam

50. Make a website

51. Be able to play a fiddle tune by reading music

52. Paint a canvass for the hall

53. Make a photo album of David and I

54. Frame and hang my own photography

55. Be able to play my soprano saxophone semi decently

56. Make a scrapbook of memorable life quotes

57. Make at least 10 Christmas cards each year

58. Decorate bedroom

59. Help David decorate his bedroom

60. Take a photo of a place through all four seasons

61. Take a picture for each letter of the alphabet

62. Perform in Ayr Town Hall




63. Get a tattoo

64. Sell an item on ebay

65. Buy a bin for recycling things

66. Buy whitening toothpaste

67. Save £5 for every goal completed

68. Don’t spend anything on myself for a month (0/31)

69. Buy a matching lingerie set


Things to live without


70. Stay off Facebook for a whole week

71. Turn my phone off for a whole week

72. Stop biting my nails

73. Go a whole week without driving (except for when I’m on holiday)

74. Go one day a month without television




75. Gut out wardrobe and recycle old clothes

76. Take a note of at least 100 of my favourite quotes from films (0/100)

77. Tidy and clean the car at least once a month

78. Take a note of all sheet music I own

79. Make contents pages for music folders

80. Back up all phone numbers on my phone

81. Get rid of games I don’t play anymore




82. Graduate

83. Complete my probation year

84. Learn how to say I Love You in 5 different languages

85. Learn to change a flat tyre




86. Take David to an observatory

87. Visit Arran

88. Do a tour of London based on the Monopoly board




89. Update LJ once a month

90. Check tire pressure once a month




91. Donate 1,000,000 grains of rice via freerice.com (2,370/1,000,000)




92. Every week write down something that made you happy (0/143)

93. Write a letter to myself on day 0 to open on day 1001

94. Have a candlelit bath

95. Tie a note to a balloon and let it go

96. Make a list of 100 things that make me happy

97. Leave a note in a library book

98. Send flowers anonymously to my mum

99. Write a letter for David to open in 10 years

100.             Write a letter for Scott to open in 10 years


101 in 1001


101.             Complete this list




Current Mood: productive
12 July 2011 @ 10:24 am

so i'm attempting to do this thanks toobsessed_psyco  :) however I only have 62 things.... pure struggling to find 101 things I wanna do! this sucks :/

on a happier note, Nik is home from America in 4 days time :) YAY

that's all really.


Current Mood: awake